I have made a friend: Tahoe Series (Part 3)

Missing company on your solo trips can be anxiety inducing, but doesn’t have to be.

Learning about myself

The realization has set in. I have driven around the lake twice now. I have visited ‘the top 5 beaches’ in lake Tahoe. I have stopped at turn arounds to take in the views and click pictures. I have even hiked to a point to watch the sunrise. My selfie stick and I have been busy exploring. I am capable of being a tourist, albeit an awkward one at that.

I don’t necessarily feel lonely especially when I am being touristy. But I do find myself missing company when I am doing day to day things. Cooking for one is a chore; eating by myself is even more so a chore. Shopping by yourself is easier; going to a restaurant is not. I have done these things by myself when I lived alone but that was more than five years ago. I am just used to having company all the time now. So how do I change this?

First of all, regardless of the company, I haven’t been to a restaurant since the pandemic started more than a year ago. Keeping concerns about sanitation and social distancing aside, I have worries about any number of things.

What will people think looking at a person sitting by themselves at a table?

What will I do when I am waiting for the food to arrive?

Where should I look? At other people? At the décor?

Should I smile or not? What should I smile at?

Will anyone think it’s sad that I am by myself?

How much food should I order? Should I order dessert as well?

It’s silly but my unwavering confidence has been replaced with an unending string of questions. Well, I decide it’s time to overcome the trappings of my own mind and go to a restaurant.

Doing the deed

“Table for one,” I hear myself saying. A dreadful phrase, I think. I am definitely overdressed for this quaint bistro but I feel good about my outfit and makeup choices. I brush my insecurity away. Taking a deep breath, I follow the hostess to my table. My plan is to bury my head in my phone when I start feeling awkward which, might I add, I think I’ll do most of the time I’m there.

I choose a table on the patio outside overlooking the lake. The sun’s about to set. As I sit there watching the waves, I feel myself unclenching and relaxing. And then it hits me, “No one gives a shit about what you’re up to. They are there to have a good time just as you”. I order a couple of horderves and start enjoying the music. They are playing a song that I love and I start humming along. I find myself smiling automatically.

My order of truffle fries arrives, and with it, a local asking if he could join in the festivities. I invite him to sit with me at my table. We talk about our backgrounds, what brings us to Tahoe, and everything else under the sun. Time goes by swiftly and I head back home, full and smiling.

This first restaurant experience has been great! Granted it wasn’t ideal given that I had company but it has managed to alleviate my anxiety about being in social situations without company. More than that, I think I have made a genuine connection. I have made a friend.

Conquering fears

For the rest of my time in Tahoe, I have mastered the art of going to restaurants alone. The phrase ‘table for one’ doesn’t haunt me anymore. The only way to travel alone is to be open to new experiences. It takes courage to be vulnerable but it’s a cliché for a reason. Meeting new people along the way and sharing stories is the best byproduct of traveling. I have opened up to talking to strangers on my journey. I now possess a treasure trove of stories to tell. Another challenge conquered, I must say.

I am now a beach-going, restaurant-frequenting, selfie-taking tourist.